Ghost In The Shell
What’s it about?
Major’s brain was saved from a terrorist attack and was the first human brain connected with a robotic body. The military wants her for her murder skills. Everyone else just likes that she gets around naked all the time.
What we thought
Dan says: The prospect of exploring the human condition as it struggles to find itself in this increasingly tech driven environment is quickly shelved to show a naked lady beating seven hells out of robot assassins then sitting in a car talking for 20 minutes. Scarlett Johanson’s butt does so much heavy lifting in this film that you wonder if it wouldn’t have a more promising career if it left ScarJo for a solo career.
There’s some interesting design in this film that’s lifted straight from the source material. A couple of the secondary characters are watchable and have a handful of satisfying moments, but this film is… boring. Unless you really want to watch robots, gunfire and naked ladies, I’d probably take a pass on this one.
Smurfs: The Lost Village
What’s it about?
A collection of cobalt forest goblins have funky forest adventures. Each one has a strongly defined vocation except for the singular girl goblin, “Smurfette” who is defined only through her gender. In a massive departure from tradition, Hollywood attempts to address this.
What we thought
Dan says: This film is for kids. It’s not scary, there are almost no stakes. If you’re stuck in the same room as children watching this then you might get a couple of chuckles out of it. You’ll appreciate how pretty it is and find yourself trying to play ‘spot the famous voice’. Sadly “because magic” seems to be the solution to any actual dilemmas. At the end of the day this film is just a bit…
Laaah Lah lala la blaaah
The Lego Batman Movie
What’s it about?
It’s The LEGO Movie spin-off featuring the hilarious, egotistical Batman you came to love. This time the lone vigilante is faced with a citywide invasion from the Joker’s evil army, after he refuses to reciprocate a love-hate relationship with the villain. In order to save Gotham, Batman is faced with his hardest struggle: working with others.
What did we think?
Candice says: There may not be a catchy sing-a-long to rival Everything Is Awesome, but The Lego® Batman™ Movie still hits the right notes! Theres something for everyone, with plenty of comedic Batman references and pop-culture jokes to keep the adults happy. Batman’s newest orphan recruit Robin and his long-serving butler Alfred add layers of witty, silly (and at times rude) banter between the figurine co-stars. The film gets a little heavy towards the end and may stretch the attention of some younger folk in the cinema, but they’ll quickly be won over with the musical finale.
Looking to take a little bit of The Lego® Batman™ Movie home with you? Say ‘Hey Puter’ to Siri. You’re welcome.
The Boss Baby
What’s it about?
A seven-year old with an overactive imagination discovers the new baby in his home (voiced by Alec Baldwin) is really a middle-manager from the place ‘where babies come from’; here to complete a spy mission and climb the corporate ladder.
What did we think?
Lisa Clifford Says: while mildly amusing, being convoluted and overly long means The Boss Baby probably won’t become a family favourite. There are genuinely funny moments, though most rely heavily on the corporate executive schtick Alec Baldwin honed on 30 Rock.
In a missed opportunity, it raises, but fails to deal with, the tricky issues for kids around feelings of jealousy and displacement when a new baby arrives, and how a parent’s love is quantified and divided between siblings.
If you miss 30 Rock and have to watch a G-rated movie, The Boss Baby will keep you entertained for about an hour*.
*Full running time is actually 97 minutes
Beauty And The Beast
What’s it about?
Really? We’re really going there? Fine. In a shocking twist, Beauty And The Beast Redux is actually a big-screen offshoot of Marvel’s Legion: a fever dream where David places himself in yet another musical hostage situation. But will Stockholm syndrome work for or against this powerful mutant?*
What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: an epic revitalisation of the golden Hollywood musical, replete with a dastardly villain, breathtaking choreographed-from-above dance numbers, and a happy ending for all. There are winks and nods aplenty within this utterly adorable Best Picture Oscar winner for 2018 (without Silence of the Lambs it’ll be a shoe-in).
*1 It’s your fault. You asked. What a stupid question “what’s Beauty and the Beast” about. Idiot.
*2 If you haven’t watched Legion yet, get thee to FX immediately.
Loving
What’s it about?
1950’s Virginia: it was a simpler time, when a man could love a woman and a woman her man (so long as they had the same skin colour); and old, white, privileged men could exert their racist bigotry without fear of repercussion … until the US Supreme Court made a landmark civil rights decision and said it was OK to love the one you’re with (Loving v. Virginia).
What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: 2017’s trio of harrowing reminders of segregation is a tender balance of Fences’ stark reality and Hidden Figures’ uplifting feel goodedness*. An unassuming, endearing romance, juxtaposed by ignorance and hatred; Loving confirms that love WILL conquer all, even in a court room (which takes a back seat to love story).
Postscript: Thank goodness no-one judges people anymore on who or how they love. /sarcasm
*this is now a word
What’s Popular
Show Dogs
What’s it about?
A loner police dog gets partnered with a goofy and impatient FBI officer to go undercover at a dog show in search of a stolen panda.
What we thought
Dan says: Show Dogs biggest claim to fame is a misguided subplot about the hero learning to be relaxed when his dog junk is physically checked for quality. This scene was removed in the international version for accidentally sending the wrong message to children about molestation.
Interfering with the auteur’s vision can have negative effects on the resulting product.
Thankfully, in this instance, the auteur appears to have spent so much of the film’s budget on coke that nothing makes any sense before the edited scene. The story is both simplistic and yet baffling at the same time. The effects are laughably nineties. There are more jokes about breeding than I’d expect in a kid’s film including one with Ru Paul that I can’t figure out whether it’s racist or transphobic.
I did chuckle twice at the pug.
Sicario: Day of the Soldado
What’s it about?
Josh Brolin and Benicio Del Toro team up to try and incite a war between drug cartels, but don’t really do a very good job.
What did we think?
Nick says: Day of the Soldado opens and closes beautifully, but the big issue lies in the fact that there’s not a lot to rave about in the middle. Still, Del Toro and Brolin are terrific and there are some really satisfying bits and pieces amongst the retreading and boring politics.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
What’s it about?
People try to profit off dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat people. Other people try to save dinosaurs.
What did we think?
Anthony Sherratt says: Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom asks some very interesting questions and even throws in an unexpected surprise. It’s just a shame it’s all couched within a cliched and boring storyline. When you care more about the survival of one of the dinosaurs than most of the human characters (including, it has to be said, the main two), then you’re doing something wrong. The first half was entertaining but the makers seem to have forgotten the charm of the original was based on the humans with the dinos just being the danger.
It’s not bad as monster movies go, but at the end of the day, it’s a blockbuster popcorn movie profiting off a legacy instead of adding to it.
Tag
What’s it about?
Inspired by true events, a group of mates who’ve played a game of tag for decades get back together to see if they can make the only member of the group who’s never been tagged “it” before he retires.
What did we think?
Elizabeth says: That moment when you have to break your review down into three parts because of a badly misfiring joke…
Pre problematic joke: This movie feels like Adam Sandler should be attached to it somehow, I hate myself for enjoying it this much and that’s all you really need to know about that.
During problematic joke: Oh god they’re not going there are they? They went there. Oh god they went there again. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WON’T THEY STOP GOING THERE?!
Post problematic joke: I’m still horrified at the joke subject matter but somehow I’m back to laugh/crying. I need a shower to feel better about this.
Editor's Choice
Show Dogs
What’s it about?
A loner police dog gets partnered with a goofy and impatient FBI officer to go undercover at a dog show in search of a stolen panda.
What we thought
Dan says: Show Dogs biggest claim to fame is a misguided subplot about the hero learning to be relaxed when his dog junk is physically checked for quality. This scene was removed in the international version for accidentally sending the wrong message to children about molestation.
Interfering with the auteur’s vision can have negative effects on the resulting product.
Thankfully, in this instance, the auteur appears to have spent so much of the film’s budget on coke that nothing makes any sense before the edited scene. The story is both simplistic and yet baffling at the same time. The effects are laughably nineties. There are more jokes about breeding than I’d expect in a kid’s film including one with Ru Paul that I can’t figure out whether it’s racist or transphobic.
I did chuckle twice at the pug.
Sicario: Day of the Soldado
What’s it about?
Josh Brolin and Benicio Del Toro team up to try and incite a war between drug cartels, but don’t really do a very good job.
What did we think?
Nick says: Day of the Soldado opens and closes beautifully, but the big issue lies in the fact that there’s not a lot to rave about in the middle. Still, Del Toro and Brolin are terrific and there are some really satisfying bits and pieces amongst the retreading and boring politics.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
What’s it about?
People try to profit off dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat people. Other people try to save dinosaurs.
What did we think?
Anthony Sherratt says: Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom asks some very interesting questions and even throws in an unexpected surprise. It’s just a shame it’s all couched within a cliched and boring storyline. When you care more about the survival of one of the dinosaurs than most of the human characters (including, it has to be said, the main two), then you’re doing something wrong. The first half was entertaining but the makers seem to have forgotten the charm of the original was based on the humans with the dinos just being the danger.
It’s not bad as monster movies go, but at the end of the day, it’s a blockbuster popcorn movie profiting off a legacy instead of adding to it.
Tag
What’s it about?
Inspired by true events, a group of mates who’ve played a game of tag for decades get back together to see if they can make the only member of the group who’s never been tagged “it” before he retires.
What did we think?
Elizabeth says: That moment when you have to break your review down into three parts because of a badly misfiring joke…
Pre problematic joke: This movie feels like Adam Sandler should be attached to it somehow, I hate myself for enjoying it this much and that’s all you really need to know about that.
During problematic joke: Oh god they’re not going there are they? They went there. Oh god they went there again. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WON’T THEY STOP GOING THERE?!
Post problematic joke: I’m still horrified at the joke subject matter but somehow I’m back to laugh/crying. I need a shower to feel better about this.