What’s it about?
A couple make a sex tape and it accidentally gets uploaded to a bunch of synched ipads. They frantically chase the ipads.

What did we think?
Anthoney Sherratt: A sex tape is often a source of entertainment, cringe worthiness and titillation. This one certainly has all three but not in any large quantities.

There are certainly laughs here – though possibly not enough to sustain 94 minutes – but there was an odd chemistry between Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz that didn’t quite mesh. It’s a B Grade comedy about sex feels long. Some interesting commentary on sex inside marriage but nothing overly original outside of some blatant iPad promotion. Not bad but, like most sex tapes, perhaps wait for the DVD or download editions.

What’s it about?
Two middle-aged British comedians tour Italy sampling the local food & women in this sequel to the cult BBC film / TV series The Trip.

What’s it REALLY about?
Edited-down “best bits” of a six-part BBC docu-comedy where The Observer commissioned comedian Rob Brydon to write restaurant reviews in Britain’s Lake District (series one) and Italy (this film/series two). Brydon invites fellow comedian Steve Coogan along, and we are served the best bits of their improvisations and  impersonations based on an EXTREMELY loose plot.

What did we think?
We are force-fed a game of one-upmanship (that starts off tedious and becomes painful) sandwiched between an excuse to follow in Byron-Shelley’s footsteps across Italy, and the veiled excuse of truncated food-porn.

I won’t lie: I laughed a couple of times at their James Bond / Godfather / Michael Caine impersonations. However if this premise sounds interesting, watch the TV show – at least it’s served up in palatable courses. As a movie it’s tedious. And thanks to the lack of a decent steadicam during the yacht sequence, it’s also seasickness inducing.

What’s it about?
Best buddies Davy and Ally return home to Edinburgh searching for love after their tour in Afghanistan ends in tragedy.

What did we think?
Stephen says: In a word: “twee”. In a sentence: It’s a musical version of EastEnders. In an odious comparison: Take Mamma Mia, replace ᗅᗺᗷᗅ with The Proclaimers, dumb down the story, and you have Sunshine On Leith.

Jokes aside, The Proclaimers music is infectious, so even if you only know the opening and closing songs, you’ll still be tapping along throughout. The main problem is the script: the current climate of creating musicals from popular bands’ back catalogues is stripped back to its ugliest form: “hey, they have a song about a Jean – let’s name on of the characters Jean… and one about sending a postcard back from America… and lots of songs about love”. Voila! Extremely flimsy and lacklustre plot written! Thankfully it’s performed and shot well. It’s just bland. Bland but fun. I’m sure mum will enjoy it.

What’s it about?
If you could save the love of your life, who happens to be one of the greatest minds in history, do you? Should you?

What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: A visually sumptuous film with huge philosophical questions tied up in the not-so-impossible science-fiction theme of digitising a human brain. There are some obvious plot holes, but as a “what if” to spark conversation about the future of humanity it is an equal to Blade Runner (from the opening shot the “tears in the rain” quote ran through my head regularly).

Unlike The Lawnmower Man, which this has been unfairly compared to, the deep love between the two lead characters is the crux of this story – driving it towards its devastating conclusion.

What’s it about?
The true story* of a man so bad as a news anchor that he redefines how the news is presented. A heart-breaking tale of a man and a shark**.

*Not really a true story
**There is a shark.

What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: By the hymen of Olivia Newton-John this is a funny movie! If you found my opening remark off-putting, avoid Anchorman 2. It’s just as crass as the first. Just as weird. Just as funny. There’s a touch of Monty Python in the surreal nature of many sequences … speaking of surreal, fans of the original gang violence scene won’t be disappointed.

Thankfully I’m not an avid follower of mainstream pop culture these days, so the myriad of celebrity cameos went straight over my head (although I did recognise Kanye). I’m sure for the hip kids of today, this will add a bonus level of frivolity.

What’s it about?
Decades after a brutal attack on the human race by aliens, children are now used as generals to coordinate fleet attacks: their reflexes are faster, their thinking has yet to be stymied by age, and they don’t quite comprehend the concept of death. With a new attack imminent, Earth’s defence forces put their faith in a 9 year-old who appears to be “the one”.

What did we think?
Stephen says: It’s taken over 30 years to get this story onto the big screen, and judging from my friends’ reaction to it (his favourite book from childhood), I can see why. The book is apparently a far more cerebral affair to the movie, which is why its author resisted allowing it to be made for so long.

I’m glad he finally caved in, as Ender’s Game is a rollicking adventure of a young man thrust into greatness (a la Hornblower) … but with a hefty dose of psychological game-play and introspective analysis.

There are spectacular effects, an ending that will leave you gasping, and some pretty hefty concepts to wrap your head around.

What’s It About?
The true story of Captain Richard Phillips and the 2009 hijacking by Somali pirates of the first American cargo ship to be hijacked in two hundred years.

What Did We Think?
Rebecca Armour says: A chilling depiction of the hardships endured for those in third world nations, Captain Phillips wastes no time with boring introductions and has you on the edge of your seat within thirty minutes. Complete with moments of laughter to break the overwhelming tension, Captain Phillips is sure to take you on a heart-wrenching endeavour of survival.

What’s it about?
A misfit searches through seven fantasy worlds for the aerialist she’s fallen for. Who are we kidding? It’s Cirque du Soleil’s Greatest Hits.

What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: when asked to describe a traveling Cirque du Soleil show, I said “it’s something you have to experience for yourself”. The same can be said for this mish-mash of the company’s seven Las Vegas live shows.

How does it compare to a live show?

• Nowhere near as good: when you see it live you are immersed in the breathtaking experience. This is more like a Whitman’s Sampler – with so many amazing bits, and the flimsiest of plots, it gets surprisingly dull.
• Just as good: HOW DO THEY DO THAT? Wow. What an astonishing display of human ability.
• Even better than the real thing: you get to see all the minute details, plus some things you’ll never see live.

What’s it about?
A coming-of-age teenage romance between a witch and a mortal in America’s Bible Belt.

What did we think?
Stephen says: This is not a spellbound angsty Twilight or a Deep South Harry Potter, rather Beautiful Creatures is a forbidden romance tale where the girl happens to be a witch (sorry – a “Caster”).

Imagine if teenagers made a PG version of True Blood, with the witchcraft of Bewitched, and performed it lovingly in the over-the-top accents of SNL’s Colonel Angus sketch (Jeremy Irons is the worst offender – although you can tell that Emma Thompson had a ball). Even when it stumbles or becomes a little too predictable, I’m calling this thoroughly enjoyable flick my guilty pleasure of 2013.

What’s it about?
Tina is a simple lass who is looking forward to going on a caravan holiday with her new boyfriend Chris (an “erotic caravanning holiday” as he puts it), where they will see the majestic sights of the Crich Tramway Museum, and the Keswick Pencil Museum – with a few brutal murders thrown in for good luck.

What do we think?
Stephen says: not a black comedy, an über-black comedy. No light penetrates the darkness even though people have reported it’s hilariously laugh-out-loud funny. I laughed. Three times. But the humour here is more creepy and uncomfortable. The type where you cringe as you guffaw. “Oh look, he smashed that man’s head into pulp – literally pulp (giggle).”

It’s beautifully acted, but slow paced, and when it comes down to it, a one trick pony that just doesn’t go anywhere.